


among diamonds and dust (undertale swap)

by tinybox



Series: side effects may vary [7]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underswap (Undertale), Big Brother Papyrus (Undertale), Canonical Character Death, Papyrus (Undertale) Knows More Than He Lets On, Underswap Asgore Dreemurr, Underswap Papyrus (Undertale), Underswap Sans (Undertale), Undertale Pacifist Route, Undertale Saves and Resets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-22 15:02:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 13,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22217914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinybox/pseuds/tinybox
Summary: Let me tell you about a tale you know very well.A human falls into the Underground. They discover a new world filled with monsters. They then go on a journey to return home.That much of the story remains the same.Everything else...is a bit different from what you might remember.
Series: side effects may vary [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1258322
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	1. Name the Fallen Human

**.SRETSNOM dna SNAMUH :htraE revo delur secar owt ,oga gnoL**

**.secar owt eht neewteb tuo ekorb raw ,yad enO**

**.suoirotciv erew snamuh eht ,elttab gnol a retfA**

**...retal sraey ynaM**

**ttobE .TM**

**X102**

**.nruter reven niatnuom eht bmilc ohw esoht yas sdnegeL**

* * *

**Name the Fallen Human.**

**FRISK**

**Is this correct?**

***Yes *No**

***Yes**

* * *

...You wake up with a splitting headache and a newfound hatred for holes.

And roots.

And caves.

Scratch that, you blame nature in general. 

Sure, maybe you shouldn't have gone in the cave, and maybe you should have stayed away from the giant hole in the ground. But it's way easier to blame someone (or in this case, some _thing_ else) for your problems. So, the fault lies solely on the fact that nature is evil and not to be trusted, and not the fact that you make, according to your first and only therapist, "impulsive and rash decisions." 

Stupid therapist.

When the pounding in your head dies down, you push yourself upwards into a seated position.

You're sitting on a bed of yellow flowers.

They smell nice, you suppose. Not amazing or anything- they're just flowers. But they did save from certain death by falling down a dumb hole, which would have been a pretty lame way to kick the bucket. 

And aside from possible brain damage and a couple of scrapes on your arms and legs, you're in good enough shape.

Maybe you can climb out?

You look up. 

Yeah, there's no way you can climb out. Not only is the entrance really far away, but the cave walls are too smooth for you to grab onto. 

Well, that idea sucks.

Time for Plan B. 

You vaguely remember reading in a book somewhere that if you get lost, you should stay in one place until you're found. Then again, that book assumed that whoever got lost had people who would miss them and stuff. You don't have that luxury.

Maybe the police will come looking for you eventually, but that might take years and years.

Maybe even _decades._

You don't have time to wait that long.

So you get up, and start walking down some kind of hallway. After you take a few steps, you notice something weird about the ground- the dirt under your feet quickly changes to a stone pathway. 

Huh.

The idea that you've fallen into some kind of underground ruins is sort of confirmed when you see an archway with two carved pillars on each side. 

In the center of the archway is a carved symbol. It's kind of hard to make out in the semi-darkness, but the symbol looks a bit like a couple of triangles with an upside-down wing on both sides. 

Despite the fact that you've never seen that symbol in your entire life, something about it feels...comfortably familiar. Which is super weird. 

When you head through the doorway, the first thing you see is another one of those yellow flowers. 

Except...the one has a face. 

A _face_.

"Howdy!" the flower says cheerily. "I'm Flowey! Flowey the Flower!"

Yep, you definitely have some sort of brain damage. Or you're still unconscious from the fall. There's no _way_ any of this can be real.

You pinch yourself on the arm. 

It hurts.

Not a dream, then.

Still not knocking out the brain damaged theory.

You walk a bit closer to the _talking flower._

For some reason, you feel compelled to respond with a polite, "Howdy, I guess. I'm Chara. Chara the human."

Flowey winks at you. 

"Hmm....You're new to the UNDERGROUND, aren'tcha? Golly, you must be so confused."

"No kidding."

"Someone ought to teach you how things work around here," Flowey says cheerfully. "I guess little old me will have to do! Ready?"

"Ready for wha-"

"Here we go!"

And then everything goes dark.

You look around frantically in all directions, only to discover...your body's gone.

Your body's gone.

You can still feel it, but...all you can see in front of you is a glowing red heart. And then-

Two things happen at once:

A box appears around your heart.

Flowey appears just a few feet away, but he's...in black and white? 

"See that heart?"

"What the-"

"That's your soul!"

"My soul? Seriously?"

Flowey winks at you. "Exactly! That's the culmination of your entire being! Oh! You can move it around if you want. Why don't you try it out?"

You concentrate a little, and find that your soul(???) moves in every direction that you want it to go. 

"Great job! Now," Flowey says, sounding a bit more serious, "your soul starts off weak, but can grow strong if you gain a lot of LV. What's LV stand for?"

"Level?"

"No, silly! It's LOVE! You want some LOVE, don't you?"

You shrug. "Sure, I guess."

"Great! I'll share a little with you," Flowey says with a wink. 

Some little white pellets are now floating around him. They kind of look like sprinkles.

"Down here, LOVE is shared through...Little white... _friendliness pellets._ "

"Um...okay?" 

"Are you ready?" Flowey asks, the little pellets floating towards your heart. "Go on, catch as many as you can!"

Something isn't right.

You've seen those after school specials too many times to know the dangers of accepting candy from strangers...or, in this case, accepting _friendliness pellets_ from a flower.

Concentrating, you move your soul to avoid the little pellets. "Actually, I think I'm alright, thanks," you tell the flower. "I don't need any love right now."

"Really? Not even a little? C'mon, please?"

Okay, now you _really_ don't trust him.

More of those little friendliness pellets float gently towards you. "Let's try this again, shall we?"

When you avoid the little pellets for the second time, you see Flowey's brow furrow in annoyance.

Quick as a flash, his expression returns back to cheerfulness. "Buddy? You missed them. Let's try again, okay?"

More pellets appear, and this time Flowey seems to fling them at you.

Quickly, you dodge out of the way.

"Look, I really think-"

Flowey's face is now twisted into an angry scowl. "Is this a joke? Are you brain-dead? RUN. INTO. THE. ~~BULLETS~~ _Friendliness Pellets!_ " When he says _friendliness pellets_ , the angry leer on his face turns into that same cheery smile. 

More of those pellets, no _bullets_ , are flung at you.

You barely manage to avoid being hit. 

Flowey stares at you for an uncomfortable amount of time.

"Look, I really think I should go-"

Then, Flowey sneers at you.

Oh god, he has fangs.

"You know what's going on here, don't you? You just wanted to see me suffer."

More of those tiny bullets appear, but these ones are encircling you in all direction.

Oh god.

They're coming closer.

"DIE."

The sound of his laughing is horrifically nightmarish, and you can't do anything you're going to die and 

then

the bullets are gone 

and

Flowey isn't laughing anymore.

A ball of flame shoots out from somewhere, knocking Flowey aside.

Everything returns to normal.

"Are you alright, my child?"

You look up.

There's a giant goatman standing in front of you.

What the hell.

"What a terrible thing to do," the goatman says sorrowfully, "frightening and torturing such an innocent youth...Ah, do not be afraid, my child. My name is Asgore, and I am caretaker of the Ruins."

Asgore has white fur that's probably soft to the touch, a gentle smile, and a golden beard. You think you could probably plait that beard into a tiny braid. 

He's wearing a long-sleeved purple tunic; on the chest of the tunic is the same symbol you'd just seen on that archway. 

"I pass through this place every day to see if anyone has fallen down. Oh, and to water the flowers," he adds, gesturing towards his feet.

Sure enough, there's a tipped over watering can. Asgore bends down and picks it up. "You are the first human to fall down here in a long time, so the flowers can wait a little while longer. Golden flowers are a rather hardy species, after all."

Finally, you find your voice. "They aren't like that other flower, are they?"

"Oh no! These are just regular flowers."

Asgore smiles down at you. "If you want, I can guide you through these catacombs. They're a little tricky, you see. Do not worry, though, I promise to keep you safe from harm."

Well, you really don't want to hang around here and wait for Flowey to come back. And Asgore _did_ just save your life, so...

"Okay."

Asgore's smile grows a little wider. "Wonderful. Follow me!"

Turning around, he walks back the way he came. You trot behind him, hurrying to catch up. 

The next room is, thankfully, a lot more well-lit. It's also very purple. The stones underneath you feet are purple, and the bricks on the walls are purple as well. Two staircases lead up to the same platform; in-between the two stairs is a pile of leaves...and a glowing, four-sided star. 

You touch the star. 

***(The shadow of the ruins loom above, filling you with determination.)**

***(HP fully restored.)**

That was...kind of weird, but you also feel a bit better. The faint headache has disappeared, along with the scratches and scrapes on your arms and legs.

Cool.

You follow Asgore up the stairs, and into the next room.

This room is about the same size as the previous one, give or take a few feet. You notice that there's a painted path in lighter purple leading towards a door on the other side of this room. This door, however, is closed.

Asgore is standing next some rather large switches on the ground. "Allow me to educate you in the operations of the Ruins. Some of them can be a bit tricky at first, so watch me carefully."

With that, Asgore proceeds to step on four of the switches.

The door opens.

"It's like a puzzle!"

"Exactly. The ruins are full of puzzles like these."

You give him a thumbs up. "That's pretty cool."

"Puzzles are ancient fusions between diversions and doorkeys. One must solve them to move from room to room." He scratches the back of his head nervously. "It's an old tradition, and it may seem a little silly to you, but I quite enjoy it, even if it does take a little longer to go from room to room."

"It's okay, I don't mind."

"Well, now that the door is open, would you like to solve the puzzle in the next room?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Excellent. Follow me, please."

Before you head out the door, you read the sign beside it.

***Only the fearless may proceed.**

***Brave ones, foolish ones.**

***Both walk not the middle road.**

...That doesn't sound very promising.

The next room is a lot bigger than the other two, with two small rivers set several feet apart. Each of them have a little bridge connecting one side to the other. Right in front of you is a sign with a strange message:

***Press [Z] to read signs!**

"What does that sign mean about pressing Z?" You ask, pointing to the sign. 

Asgore looks a little confused. "Sign? What sign?"

"...Never mind."

"To proceed, you will need to trigger several switches. You may notice that some of them have...markings next to them that give away the solution. I'm afraid that's my doing- when I was still getting used to living here, I would forget which ones to press. By the time I memorized the right solution, I found that I could not get the paint off the walls."

"Can I still press the switches?"

"Of course."

You follow Asgore across the room, pressing the correct switches. After you press the last switch, the spikes which had been blocking the door slide down into the ground, making it safe to cross. 

"Let us move to the next room."

The following room is empty, save for a rather ragged looking training dummy. 

"In the Underground, monsters may try to attack you, so you will need to be prepared for this situation. Do not worry, the process is very simple. When you approach a monster, you will enter a fight."

"What do I do, then? Do I need a shield? Or some kind of pointy weapon to keep them away?"

"You need neither a sword or a shield, young one. Instead, try and strike up a friendly conversation. Stall for time. If all else fails, I will come to resolve the conflict."

"Alright. You promise it won't hurt?"

"I promise. Now, go ahead and try talking to this dummy." 

You walk up to the dummy. "Um..hi? It's nice to meet you?"

Everything goes black and white.

***You encountered the dummy.**

Now that you're less freaked about the whole soul issue, you take a minute to look around. 

There are four buttons beneath the box, each one labeled differently. 

***FIGHT *ACT *ITEM *MERCY**

Without thinking, you use your soul to select ACT. 

A single option pops up.

***Mad Dummy**

You select that option.

Two more pop up. 

***CHECK *TALK**

***CHECK**

*** MAD DUMMY- ATK 0 DEF 0**

***Doesn't like being stared at.**

"Hey! Are you going to just keep looking at me like that?" 

The dummy suddenly has two, non-buttoned eyes, along with a dark scowl. "Well? Do you have anything to say for yourself?" The dummy shouts. "I'm warning you, if you keep staring at me, I'll punch you straight in the soul, swear on me mum!"

"Sheesh, you don't need to be so violent...or so loud. Turn it down a little."

"I'M NOT LOUD! YOU'RE LOUD!" 

"My name's Chara. What's your's?"

The dummy's scowl is a little less severe. "...You can call me Mad Dummy. Not "Mad", not "Dummy". It's MAD DUMMY, got it?"

"Got it. Nice to meet you."

***ASGORE seems happy with you.**

***YOU WON!**

***You earned 0 EP and 0 gold.**

Everything returns to normal.

"Thank you, Mad Dummy, for helping...Chara, was it? Helping Chara out."

Mad Dummy looks a bit sheepish. "Erm...sure? Anytime?"

Asgore turns to you. "Very good, Chara. I'm proud of you. Now, why don't we get going?"

You nod. 

When you and Asgore leave, Mad Dummy shouts, "Goodbye, ye cowards!" In a much quieter voices, he continues, "And...good luck and whatnot." 

"Thanks!" You shout back.

In the next room, you have your first real battle with a monster called a "Froggit". You aren't sure if that's the name of the species, or the name of this monster in general. 

Asgore quickly stops the Encounter. "Do not attack my friend," Asgore says in a gentle, yet firm, voice. "Chara has done nothing to you."

Upon seeing Asgore, the monster squeaks out an apology to you before hopping away quickly.

The next puzzle is a floor of extremely pointy spike traps. 

"This is the puzzle, but...Here, take my hand."

You take Asgore's hand, and leads you towards the spikes. When he goes to step on one panel, the spikes retract back into the ground. He leads across the room in a very specific path.

"Sorry about that," Asgore says. "I forgot about this particular puzzle."

"It's okay," you say, only lying a little bit. "At least I didn't get impaled."

Asgore squeezes your hand gently before letting it go. "Indeed, that would be rather painful."

You snort. 

In the next room, Asgore hands you a rather old cell phone. "Unfortunately, I have something I must do. Would you mind waiting for a moment?"

"No prob."

"If you need me, just call me on this cellular device, and I will answer immediately. Please remain here, though. There are many dangerous puzzles ahead, and I don't want you to get injured. I will be back soon, so there is no need to worry."

"Alright."

You plonk yourself on the ground. "I'll be sitting here until you come back."

"You can call me for whatever reason," Asgore repeats, "even if it's just to say 'hello.'"

With that, Asgore leaves.

Time to wait.

It only take thirty seconds for you to remember that you hate waiting. 

Especially when there's nothing to do but sit in silence and think about sitting and waiting in silence. 

Boring.

You decide to call Asgore. 

_**Dialing...** _

"Howdy! This is Asgore speaking."

_Dad._

"It's Chara."

"Howdy, Chara? Are you doing okay?"

"I'm fine. Just...wanted to say hi, I guess."

"Well, hello then! Is that good?"

"Yep. Um...Can you tell me about yourself?"

"I can, although I'm not very interesting. I'm just an old man who happens to like tea and gardening. I would also say that I'm someone who worries a bit too much!"

_Dad!_

Without thinking, you say the word floating insistently in the back of your mind. "Dad?"

There's a pause. "You...want to call me dad? Would that...make you happy?"

A lump is forming in your throat. "Y-yes."

"Well, you may call me anything you wish."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Okay. Um...I have to go now."

"Goodbye, then. See you soon, my child."

**Click...**

What _was_ that?!

That wasn't you. 

You would have never called him 'dad' on your own. You hadn't even _considered_ calling him that. 

For a second, you think you hear a faint whisper in the back of your mind.

_"Sorry."_

"Um....who are you, and why are you in my brain?"

_"I'm *****."_

Somehow, the fact that you can't properly hear their name isn't a surprise at all.

_"You should go explore!"_

"Didn't Asgore say to stay here? I really don't want to deal with dangerous puzzles alone."

_"You're not alone, you have me!"_

Well, you _are_ bored, and it _has_ been at least three minutes, so...

You quickly succumb to peer pressure.

"Okay."

The next room has neat piles of leaves in various places. In the closest leaf pile, is another one of those four-sided stars. 

_"That's a save point."_

By the entrance is another Froggit.

You walk up to them.

"Ribbit, ribbit."

 _"They said: Excuse me, human, I have some advice for you about battling monsters_ _.'If you ACT a certain way, or FIGHT until a monster is almost defeated, they may not want to fight you anymore. If a monster does not want to fight, please...show them mercy._ _"_

"Ribbit."

"Thanks, I guess. I'll keep that in mind."

You head to the second star, and touch it.

***(Playfully crinkling through the leaves fills you with determination.)**

***(HP fully restored.)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original Underswap was created by p0pcornPr1nce. While I have kept most of the original stuff from the fanon, I have also...taken some creative liberties with it.  
> So, things might be a little different from the Underswap that you know and love, but I plan on keeping these differences pretty minor.


	2. Ghostly Encounters and Fiery Bake Sales

***(Knowing the mouse might leave its hole and get the cheese...)**

***(It fills you with DETERMINATION.)**

You can't help but wonder how long that cheese has been sitting there. Does cheese go bad? It looks alright. Smells alright. It's just stuck to the table, probably with some kind of...cheese juice. 

Gross.

In the next room, you see a ghost floating over a pile of leaves, quietly humming to themselves. 

You slowly approach them. "Hello?"

The ghost monster keeps humming away. 

It sounds nice and all, but they're blocking the path.

"Um, hello?"

"hmmmm...hmmmmm...hmmmm..."

"Excuse me? Can you please move?"

The ghost's humming grows a little louder. 

Well, you tried being nice.

Maybe you can walk straight through them? 

As soon as you touch them, however, you're pulled into an Encounter.

***Here comes Mettablock.**

The ghost looks pretty much exactly like the ones you see on Halloween, except this one has a fringe covering one of their eyes. They also look a bit nervous.

"oh, were you talking to me? i'm sorry...i'm just not used to having people talk to me these days...i'm mettablock, by the way."

"I'm Chara."

"that's a nice name...some people...aren't lucky enough to have good names...you must be one of the lucky few...aside from me, that is."

"Thanks?"

When you select **ACT** , four options pop up.

***Check *Ask about favorite song *Insult *Compliment**

You **CHECK** him.

**METTABLOCK- ATK 10 DEF 10**

***Seems like he wants to talk about music.**

"i wrote a song just in case i happened to be in a situation like this...it doesn't have any lyrics yet... but it goes like this."

Mettablock begins humming a different tune. This time musical notes appear as well, all of them floating towards your soul. 

They're slow moving, but there's a lot of them, which makes them difficult to dodge.

Mettaton stops humming. "how...was that?"

"Pretty good."

The white pupil in his eye briefly turns into a heart. "thanks! this song...is for a musical i'm writing...i've been working on this piece for a really long time, but i still can't think of any lyrics to go along with it."

Your turn.

**ACT**

***Ask about favorite song**

"oh...i don't really have a favorite song...though i really love musicals. um...i know it's my turn, but can i talk a little bit more about my play?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"well..." mettablock begins, sounding a little more nervous, "i'm still working out the details, but it's a romance story. these two monsters are in love...but their friends and family don't like the idea of them being together..."

Mettablock goes on like this for several minutes, getting more and more excited as he explains. You really try to pay attention, but the plot is so confusing that you get lost in the details.

"...and then they realize that the circus life isn't for them, but...oh...i'm rambling, aren't i?"

"Nah, it's cool. It actually sounds pretty interesting."

"um...i know it's your turn now, but...i actually don't really want to fight. i guess i just really wanted someone to listen...and you did. so...thanks."

The **Encounter** ends without you having to **SPARE** him.

"i usually come to the RUINS because no one's around...but i'm glad i got to talk to you. um...i guess i'll be going now."

With that, Mettablock fades away into nothingness. 

That was a little weird, but at least you made that ghost happy.

Not only that, but you can now keep going.

There are two doorways this time- one straight ahead, and one to your left. 

_"Go straight! I remember there's a bake sale going on!"_

"That sounds pretty good. I only have 7 pieces of gold right now, will that be enough?"

_"Yep!"_

You head straight into the next room. The first thing you notice is the long shelf on the side wall lined with candlesticks. Each one of the candles is lit.

There are two signs on the same wall, and one sign post sticking out of the ground. 

You go up and read one of them. 

***Mini Burger- 7G**

You look at the next sign. 

***Barbecue Stick- 18G**

You look at the final sign.

***Fire Bake Sale**

***All proceeds go to real fire monsters.**

"Where's the bake sale?"

_"Look at the candles. Those little flames are fire monsters."_

You take a closer look at the candles. Sure enough, each flame has a tiny pair of arms and a even smaller face. Several of them wave at you. You think they're smiling, but their expressions are too hard to make out.

"So, what do I do?"

_"Put the gold on the counter in front of a candle."_

You follow the instructions.

To your surprise, one of the little flames stands up and scurries down the candlestick to pick up your gold. The flame on the next candle briefly disappears, then reappears holding a mini burger. 

You take the burger.

"Thanks."

Both of the flames return to their candles.

You're not really hungry right now, so you, after getting some help from your ghostly companion, put the mini burger away in your **INVENTORY**. 

_"This item heals you. Do you remember seeing an HP bar when you were fighting Mettablock? Well, whenever you get hit, you lose some points. If your bar gets to zero..."_

"Lemme guess, I die?"

The silence only confirms your response. 

"Well, I'll do my best to not die. That would be super lame."

In the back of your mind, you hear a faint giggle. 

It's nice to hear that someone finds you funny, even if they're probably just a delusion.

Well, since that was a dead end, you go back into the previous room, and enter the other room. 

There's another sign post up ahead.

***Did you miss it?**

***Fire bake sale down and to the right.**

***Come eat food made out of flames, for flames, and of flames!**

There are three Froggits in the room, and you talk to each one. Even with the voice in your head translating, almost nothing they say makes any sense.

Pressing **[X]** to skip dialogue? Or **[F4]** to make a "full screen"? 

What?

You understand what the final frog means, though, about the yellow names.

1/3 isn't too bad, right?

Besides, even the second frog didn't seem to know what they were talking about, so the first two frogs were probably just saying nonsense.

Probably.

...

Time to get going.

Again.


	3. Pumpkin Soup and Butterscotch-Cinnamon Pie

Outside (what you think is) Asgore's home is a rather large tree in bloom. The branches are full of golden yellow flowers and bright green leaves. You've never seen a tree with flowers like these before.

You hear a door opening.

"Goodness, that took longer than I expected. I do hope Chara is alright." 

You hear Asgore dialing his phone. 

Yours begins ringing. 

"Huh?"

Heading around the tree, Asgore sees you standing there.

He looks stricken. "Goodness, I am so sorry. I wanted to surprise you, but the surprise isn't worth the danger you had to go through. It was irresponsible of me to leave you alone. I'm so sorry. Are you injured?"

You shrug. "That's okay. I only got hurt a little."

Instead of looking reassured, Asgore seems to be even more worried. "Here, I will heal you."

Walking over, he takes his hand in yours. 

You feel a brief sensation of warmth throughout your entire body as the healing magic does its job.

"Still, I promised you a surprise, and I will deliver it. Come, follow me."

Asgore lets go of your hand, and you follow him into the house.

From what you can see so far, Asgore's home is pretty cozy. The walls are painted light green, and the beige floorboards look comfortably worn, as if someone has been living here, and walking on them, for a while. 

There's a staircase leading downwards by the far wall. Beside the stairwell is a painting of a yellow flower. Below the painting is a small shelf filled with books. 

"I made some pumpkin soup as a surprise. Wait, did I ask you if you liked pumpkin? I could have sworn I did...but I might have forgotten to call. Oh dear."

You pat him on the arm. "Don't worry, I like pumpkin soup."

Truthfully, you've never had pumpkin soup in your entire life, but you're not going to tell him that. 

_"It's really good."_

Well, you do like pumpkin pie, so maybe you'll like pumpkin soup?

"Thank goodness. Well, even if you didn't like pumpkin soup, I would still have a surprise for you. Actually, I have two more! Let me show you the second surprise." 

Asgore leads you into a hallway on the right. 

Everything is yellow- the walls are painted yellow, the floorboards are made from yellow wood, and the small tables are also made of the same yellow wood. You're pretty sure there's a name for these small tables, but you can't really remember.

_"Nightstands?"_

Yeah, that sounds about right. 

Asgore stops at the first door. "Here is your second surprise. It's your very own room!"

You're not really sure how to respond. 

Asgore gently ruffles your hair.

It feels nice.

"Anyway, feel free to explore your new room, as well as the rest of the house. Just don't-"

Asgore stops mid-sentence. "Is something burning...oh dear! Sorry, but I must check on the soup!"

Asgore rushes off, leaving you behind in front of your new room. 

_"Good thing he remembered about the soup. The first time he made it, he forgot about it for an hour and the stove caught on fire."_

You snicker.

The voice falls silent in the back of your head, like they'd forgotten that you could hear them.

Whatever.

The first thing you do is collapse straight onto the bed, not even bothering to kick off your shoes and socks.

You hadn't realized until now how tired you are.

The mattress is nice and soft, and the sheets are smooth. 

Maybe you can rest just for a little while.

You just need to...rest your eyes, that's all.

Just a little...

You must have fallen asleep at some point, because when you open your eyes, you're lying underneath the bed sheets instead of on top of them. Someone, most likely Asgore, has taken off your socks and shoes. When you peer over the edge of the bed, you see the socks placed neatly into the shoes, and the shoes are lined up carefully by the side. 

Next to your shoes is a slice of what is either cake or pie.

You feel refreshed. 

Getting out of bed, you pull on your shoes and socks. 

Then, you cross the room and flick on the light, revealing the food item to be a pie. "Huh. I guess that's my third surprise."

***You found a slice of butterscotch-cinnamon pie.**

You put the item away in your inventory for later, the mini burger, although tiny, had completely filled you up. 

Time to explore.

First, you scope out the room. You find a rack full of shoes, six pairs in total, all of them different sizes. In the closet, you spot a pile of clothes, all of them striped. There's a dusty photo frame, but it's empty. 

What really interests you most, however, is the toy box. You've never had a toy that wasn't easily breakable and made of cheap plastic. These toys look handmade. Whoever made these toys clearly cared for the person they gave it to.

You spend some time playing with the toys. Funnily enough, at the very bottom of the box is a single jigsaw puzzle piece. It's small, only the size of your thumb, and completely green. You can't help but wonder what the completed puzzle must have looked like. 

You pocket the puzzle piece, and remind yourself to give it to Asgore when you next see him.

The presence in the back of your mind hasn't said anything yet, but you can feel that they're getting bored. Not only that, but they don't seem impressed by the toys at _all_.

Sheesh.

"Do you think Asgore would mind if I take one?" 

You can feel the presence mentally shrug.

"Well, he _did_ say to make myself at home..." 

You consider the pile of stuffed animals you've amassed in various poses, before selecting a plush dinosaur. It's one of the smallest toys there, and you can easily slip it into your sweater pocket without it being noticeable. 

You put the other toys away; now it's time to explore the rest of the house.


	4. Leaving the Ruins

Asgore's bedroom is very...blue. 

_"What's wrong with blue?"_

"Nothing. It's just he seems to have a 'one color per room' theme going on. Kind of weird."

_"Oh."_

"You mean you hadn't noticed?"

_"Not really."_

The room's about the same size as the one he gave you, but every piece of furniture is bigger. Which makes sense, seeing as he's a lot bigger than you are.

(You're a fairly small person, but Asgore is a giant compared to most of the adults you've met.)

In one corner of the room, there's a bucket filled to the brim with tea bags. Next to the bucket is a desk; sitting on the desk is an opened diary. You really want to read it, but you figure you're already invading enough of his privacy as is. 

You look under the king-sized bed, and find nothing but a couple of dust bunnies. You look inside his dresser, but there's nothing in there but clean socks.

Finally, you give into temptation, and take a peek at his diary. 

...

His handwriting is impossible to read, and you're not sure whether you're relieved or disappointed. 

Probably a bit of both, to be honest.

The third room proves to be both the most and least interesting: it's the most interesting because the door's locked (therefore creating a mystery), but the fact that it's locked also makes it boring (you don't know how to pick locks, at least, not yet.)

So you leave the room alone. 

The stairs in the main room look tempting, but you decide to go looking for Asgore first. The search doesn't take long, he's in the room next to it, watering a potted plant that's sitting in the center of a dining room table. 

"Oh, hello!" Asgore places the watering can on the table. "I see you're an early riser. I guess that's something we have in common!" Asgore says fondly. "Did you see your surprise?"

"Uh-huh."

Asgore looks a bit sheepish. "The soup turned out to taste...not very pleasant, so I decided to give you your third surprise a bit early. Truth to be told, my cooking skills are a bit lacking. The same goes with baking. Luckily, the pie just needed to be reheated in the oven."

Going over to the bookshelves, Asgore pulls out a thin book. "Do you enjoy reading? I happen to only have one children's book, though."

You go and take the offered book; on the cover, there's an illustration of a rabbit. The title of said book, however, is in an unfamiliar language.

🏱︎♏︎♏︎🙵 ♋︎ ♌︎□︎□︎ ⬥︎♓︎⧫︎♒︎ ♐︎●︎◆︎♐︎♐︎⍓︎ ♌︎◆︎■︎■︎⍓︎

👌︎⍓︎ ♋︎●︎●︎♏︎■︎ 🙰□︎■︎♏︎⬧︎

"I'm afraid the rest of the book is in that language," Asgore tells you, "but the illustrations are quite good."

"What kind of language is it in, anyway?"

Asgore looks thoughtful. "I'm not quite sure."

You flip the book open to the first page.

👎︎□︎⬥︎■︎ ♓︎■︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ❍︎♏︎♋︎♎︎□︎⬥︎📪︎ ◻︎♋︎⬧︎⧫︎ ♋︎■︎ □︎●︎♎︎ □︎♋︎🙵 ⧫︎❒︎♏︎♏︎📪︎ ●︎♓︎❖︎♏︎♎︎ ♋︎ ●︎♓︎⧫︎⧫︎●︎♏︎ ♌︎◆︎■︎■︎⍓︎📬︎📬︎📬︎

Even though you can't read it, you can tell the book is for very little children. 

You hand the book back. "What other stuff do you like to read?" 

Asgore smiles. "Well, I enjoy gardening books, as well as poetry. But I'm afraid they might be a bit dull for you." Pulling out a medium sized book from the shelf, he goes to sit in a rather large chair by the fireplace. "Would you like to hear a poem, anyway?"

"Sure."

Asgore flips to a random page, before clearing his throat. " Let's see...this one's called, _Ozymandias_ and it's by a man named Peter Bysshe Shelley. I must admit, I haven't read this one before, so I will look it over just in case it happens to have any inappropriate content."

As he reads the poem silently to himself, Asgore frowns. "Hmmm...I suppose this one is child friendly, but...actually, maybe we should put aside poetry reading for another day."

You've been holding your tongue for a while, but now you have to tell him the truth.

"Asgore? I don't think I can stay here. I really like you and all, but I can't stay any longer."

Silently, Asgore stands up, book forgotten on the ground.

"Chara? Is there something I have done wrong?"

You shake your head furiously. "No! Not at all! I just need to go home."

"...My child, you don't understand."

"Look, thanks for the food and all that, but I have to go now." 

The goat monster brushes past you into the main room. You hear him going down the stairs.

You follow him.

The stairs led you down to a long corridor, where, not too far away, stands Asgore. He isn't looking at you, but you weren't exactly subtle about coming downstairs, so you're not surprise when he addressees you.

"Ahead of us lies the end of the **RUINS**. It's a one-way exit to the rest of the underground. And...I am going to destroy it." Asgore's voice is heavy with grief when he adds, "I should have done this a long time ago, but..." 

Asgore shakes his head, before turning to you with a pleading gaze. "Chara...it doesn't have to be this way. Please, go upstairs. Once this is all over with, I'll make us a nice pot of tea."

Now you have to chance to argue back. "But-"

"Do you know what will happen to you if you leave? You will face the same fate as the other humans who fell down here. I have seen it over and over again. They come. They leave. They die."

"I'm tough," you snap back, "I think I can handle myself. After all, I made it to your house just fine!"

When Asgore looks at you, for a moment it's like he's seeing someone else in your place. 

"I have no doubt that you are strong and capable, my child. But...if you leave, **TORIEL** will kill you. Please, I am only trying to protect you."

He heads down the hallway at a fast pace, but you manage to keep up. One turn away, and you see Asgore standing in front of a large door. "Chara...do you really want to leave so badly?"

You don't say anything this time.

"I guess there's only one solution," Asgore says tiredly. "I do not wish to harm you in any way, but...if you wish to leave, you must first prove to me that you are strong enough to survive."

***Asgore blocks the way!**

You really don't want the fight the guy, especially not after he's been so kind to you. So that option's out.

***Check**

***Asgore - ATK 80 DEF 80**

***Just wants to keep you safe.**

Small fireballs weave their way around your soul, but they're easy to dodge.

***Talk**

For a second time, your words fail you. 

***Despite your best efforts, you couldn't think of something to say.**

Gee, thanks. I would have _never_ figured that one out on my own

More fireballs fly toward you, these ones a little harder to dodge. 

Now it's your turn.

What can you do? You can't think of anything to say, and you've already checked him. Doing either again would be a waste of a move. 

***MERCY**

You're not someone who runs away from a fight. There'll be no fleeing on your part.

***Spare**

You can see the grief in Asgore's eyes. "Please, at least try and defend yourself."

You plant your feet strongly on the ground, stare him straight in the eye. "No. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not going to hurt _anyone_. They can try and knock me down, but I'm going to keep coming back up."

"Chara...what are you trying to prove?"

"I made a promise long ago not to hurt people. I'm not going to break that promise!"

***Asgore looks close to tears.**

"Chara, please. We don't have to do this."

***Spare**

Asgore sniffs, wiping his sleeved arm across his eyes. "I...I must seem pathetic to you. I'm not strong enough to save even a single child."

***Spare**

"I don't think you're pathetic!"

"..."

 ***** **Spare**

"I understand," Asgore says softly. "The **RUINS.**..are rather small, indeed. You would feel trapped down here, and it would not be right for you to grow up in a place like this."

***Spare**

"My expectations...my loneliness...my fears...I should have never put my wants and needs over your own well-being."

The **Encounter** ends.

"If you truly wish to leave the Ruins, I will not stop you. However...once you leave, please do not come back. Perhaps this is selfish of me, but I hope you understand."

A lump is forming in your throat.

Kneeling down, Asgore envelops you in a soft, warm hug.

You feel safe and protected in his arms.

All too soon, the hug ends. 

Asgore stands back up. You see tears welling in his eyes. 

"...Before I leave, I have something to give you."

Asgore hands you a metal thermos. 

"Golden flower tea," he explains quietly. "I often drink it while I'm out and about...but I think you will need it more. Goodbye, my child."

With those parting words, Asgore leaves.

He doesn't look back, not even once. 

_"Dad..."_

You know you did the right thing, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

...If you stay here any longer, you think you might start crying. 

You have to keep going.

When you see the patch of grass with that stupid flower there, you groan. "Why are you here? I thought Asgore killed you...or something."

Flowey giggles. "Of course not, silly! That old man's too much of a _wimp_ to do that."

You cross your arms. "Alright, sure, whatever. If you don't mind, I'm going. Scratch that, I don't care if you mind."

You start walking, only to stop dead when Flowey's face...

Oh god.

It's like some kind of nightmare face.

"I'm not done talking!"

Thankfully, his expression turns back to normal. "You were clever, and played by your own rules. You didn't kill anyone...this time. But what will you do if you meet a relentless killer? You'll die and you'll die and you'll die. You don't look like a very patient person to start with, so it probably won't take you too long to make a different choice."

Flowey grins at you with his nightmarish sharp teeth. "Will you kill out of frustration? Or will you give up entirely on this world...and let ME have the power to control it? I am the PRINCE of this world's future. And my plan is..."

"Lemme guess... murder? Also, how is it possible to die more than once? Are you talking about some kind of reanimation or something?"

Flowey's giggles sound like nails on a chalkboard. "You'll find out soon enough. "

His face extends outwards.

Oh god. 

"What the-"

Flowey laughs. It's a terrible laugh, one that almost makes you pee your pants in fear. 

He keeps laughing

and 

laughing

and 

laughing.

The laughter stops, and his face returns to normal. 

Before you can do or say anything, he pops back into the ground.

He's gone...for now. 

But you know this isn't the last time you'll see him.

Hopefully, by then, you'll be more prepared to take that stupid weed on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Asgore can't bake, where'd he get that pie? Simple. They're leftovers...that Toriel made who knows how long ago.


	5. Snowdin Road (Meeting Papyrus)

After that whole...Flowey encounter, you hadn't thought things could get any worse. 

You were wrong, it got worse.

Turns out, the exit to the Ruins leads straight into a forest covered in snow.

Ugh.

_"What's wrong with snow?"_

You have a deep hatred for snow, a kind of hatred that, in order to be understood, needs to be described in at least a paragraph or so. And since you don't want to go over all the reasons in your head to...the ghost kid living in your brain, you simply say, "Everything."

Anyway, aside from the enormous trees, what really gets your attention is a sign resting on a nearby, rather large shrub.

**NO HIDDEN CAMERAS HERE! PAY NO ATTENTION TO THIS SIGN! NOTHING SUSPICIOUS AT ALL!**

**-UNDYNE**

You have no idea what the thought process was behind the monster who created that dumb sign. Not only is the message super shady, but the letters are in bold, bright yellow over a black background, making the sign very noticeable.

Also, who the hell is Undyne?

Lucky for you, there's a clear pathway in the snow, which means not only will you not have to trudge through knee-high snow, but you also won't get completely lost.

...

Then again, you're already lost to begin with. 

Is it even possible to get more lost than you already are?

There's a strange prickling in the back of your spine, and you feel like someone's watching you. Out of the corner of your eye, you think you see...something, but when you turn around, everything looks fine. 

_"It's a stick! Pick it up!"_

You look down at your feet.

Sure enough, there's a stick.

Actually, you would describe the thing as more of a branch than a stick.

Just out of boredom, you attempt to pick the ~~stick~~ branch up. 

...Yeah, you can't even even move it a little.

"That was a complete waste of time."

You're barely five feet away from the branch when you hear a loud **_CRACK!_**

In less than a second, you whirl around, fists at the ready- but there's no one there.

Except...

Someone broke the branch. 

Actually, saying they _broke_ the branch is an understatement. They _smashed_ that thing into tiny pieces like it was nothing. 

You decide to pick up the pace a little, and placate yourself with the fact that this counts as a 'tactical retreat' instead of 'running away like a coward'.

Okay, you're at a bridge. There are a bunch of lasers, but they're so low that you can step over them, easy-peasy. 

You could probably do it in your sleep, even. 

"Human."

Oh god someone's behind you.

"Don't you know how to greet a new pal? Turn around and shake my hand."

Is that a challenge?!

Without giving yourself a chance to think things through, you turn around, sticking your hand out for the other person to shake. 

**_pffffffbbbbbbbbbbbbbtttt_ **

"nyeh heh heh," the _skeleton_ in front of you snickers, "the whoopie cushion in the hand trick's always a classic."

You let go of the guy's hand. Sure enough, there's a mini whoopie cushion in his palm. 

Papyrus looks almost exactly like one of those fake plastic models you see in health class. But those kind of skeletons don't breathe.

Or slouch.

Or wear stained orange hoodies and a pair of grey sweatpants.

Or play practical jokes on complete strangers. 

"i'm papyrus, by the way. papyrus the skeleton."

"Yeah, I could tell."

papyrus' grin grows wider. "heh. good one. anyway, you're a human, right? 'course you are, i'm almost always right. you know, i'm supposed to be on patrol for humans, but i don't really feel like it today. why do stuff today when you can put it off until never? that's my life motto, by the way."

You roll your eyes. "Thanks, I guess."

"i gotta warn you though, my bro is a human hunting _fanatic_." Papyrus stops, tilts his head slightly as though listening to something in the distance. "actually, i think i can hear him now."

"What do I do?" You hiss at him.

"head across the bridge. don't worry, the lasers are easy to step over. i'll meet you on the other side in a bit."

With that Papyrus walks off in the complete opposite direction.

Weirdo.

You head across the bridge. On the other side, is a sentry station; nearby the station is a oddly shaped lamp. 

Not only is the lamp strangely shaped, but it's also upside down for some reason. 

You hear the crunching footsteps behind you, turning around, you see it's Papyrus.

"hey, you made it," Papyrus says. "quick, hide behind that conveniently-shaped lamp."

You hide behind the lamp. 

"BROTHER!" 

"hey bro. wassup?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT'S UP, PAPY. IT'S BEEN EIGHT DAYS, AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T RECALIBRATED YOUR PUZZLES! YOU JUST HANG AROUND YOUR STATION! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING?!?"

"staring at this lamp. it really helps _brighten_ my day. do you wanna look?"

Internally, you let out a bunch of swear words in your mind. 

Seriously?!

Lucky for you, Sans doesn't seem interested. "NO! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT! WHAT IF A HUMAN COMES THROUGH HERE?!? I NEED TO BE ALERT AT ALL TIMES! AND THAT MEANS I CAN'T GOOF OFF! I WILL BE THE ONE! I MUST BE THE ONE! I WILL CAPTURE A HUMAN!

THEN, I, THE MARVELOUS SANS...WILL GET ALL THE THINGS I'VE EVER DREAMED OFF! RESPECT...RECOGNITION...I WILL FINALLY BE ABLE TO JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD! PEOPLE WILL ASK TO BE MY...FRIEND?"

Wow, that's depressing.

"I WILL BATHE IN A SHOWER OF KISSES EVERY MORNING! UM...I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE WHAT THAT ENTAILS, BUT I'M PRETTY CERTAIN THAT IT'S A GOOD THING!"

"maybe this lamp will help you," that traitor Papyrus says. 

"SANS!!! YOU ARE NOT HELPING! YOU LAZYBONES! ALL YOU DO ALL DAY IS SIT AROUND AND BOONDOGGLE! YOU GET LAZIER AND LAZIER EACH DAY! BESIDES, THAT LAMP IS NOT PLUGGED IN, DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A LIGHT BULB, AND, FOR SOME REASON, IS UPSIDE DOWN! WHY DID YOU EVEN BRING A LAMP HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE?"

"hey, take it easy. i do a ton of a work. a _skele-_ ton. and this lamp really is en- _light-_ ening."

"PAPY!"

"hey, you're smiling."

"I KNOW, AND I HATE IT!"

Sans sighs loudly. "I WORK SO HARD...AND YET I GET NO RECOGNITION FOR IT AT ALL."

"sounds rough. you're really working yourself..."

"PAPY!"

"down to the _bone_."

"UGH. WELL, I'LL BE OFF CHECKING MY PUZZLES. AS FOR YOU, PLEASE TRY AND PUT A LITTLE MORE _BACKBONE_ INTO YOUR WORK!"

You hear the sound of someone running away giggling to themselves. "MWAH HAH HAH HAH!"

Sans then doubles back, letting out a final, "MWAH!" for good measure.

Then he actually runs off. 

"you can come out now."

You step out from behind the lamp. "Uh...that was...something."

Papyrus nods. "my bro's pretty cool, isn't he?"

Without waiting for a response, he continues talking. "if i were you, though, i'd get going. sans probably'll come back, and if he does...you'll have to listen even more to my hilarious jokes. i might even repeat some of my earlier ones, too. before you go, though, why don't you check out my sentry station? i think i have some snacks you can take with you."

You head over to the station.

***It's some sort of checkpoint or sentry station...**

***But it's littered with candy wrappers, bottles of honey, and a single jug of something that smells like maple syrup.**

***The station smells of smoke and sugar.**

Yeah, you're not touching anything in there.

"actually, um...before you leave, would you mind helping me out with something? nothing big, i promise."

"Maybe?"

"i was thinking...my brother's been kind of down, lately. he's never seen a human before, and seeing you will make his day. don't worry, he's not dangerous, even when he tries to be. do you think you can play along?"

You consider the question.

"Yeah, alright."

"thanks a million. i'll be up ahead."

Then, he heads in the opposite direction.

A few feet away, you run into another one of those stars.

***(The convenience of that upside-down lamp still fills you with DETERMINATION...and a little bit of confusion.)**


	6. Snowdin Road (Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places)

***It's a fishing rod affixed to the ground...**

***Reel it in?**

***Yes *No**

"Sure, why not?"

***Attached to the end is a rock with a phone number scratched into it, along with a rough heart.**

"Yeah, I'm not going to call some stranger's number."

***You send the line back out.**

"You know, you don't have to describe _everything_ I do, right? It's getting a little annoying."

***Sorry.**

"It's alright, I guess. Just don't do it as much."

Well, since you've reached a dead end, you should head back and then go the other way. 

(It's not like you have any other option.)


	7. Snowdin Road (Meeting Sans)

When you round the corner, you see Papyrus and another skeleton (who you assume is Sans). He's a lot shorter than his brother, with a wider shaped head and body. He's also wearing some kind of armor that doesn't look it'll protect him at all, with a pair of bright blue boots that matches the tattered scarf around his neck. 

"WHEN I LAST TALKED TO ALPHYS, SHE SAID THAT I WAS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER..." The shorter skeleton trails off mid-sentence, turning to look at you. 

Papyrus swivels his head to look at you as well.

What follows is both skeletons whirling back and forth- facing you, then their respective brother, then at you once more.

They keep doing this back and forth thing for a couple of seconds.

Weirdos.

Finally, both of them stop.

"PAPS...OH MY GOD! IS THAT...A HUMAN?!?"

Papyrus furrows his brow-bones. "uh...i think that's a rock."

You look around. Sure enough, not too far away, is a small rock.

Sans groans. "PAPY! LOOK IN FRONT OF THE ROCK!"

"oh. yeah, that's a human."

There are actual stars in Sans' eyes as he happily shouts, "I-I DID IT! PAPS, I FINALLY DID IT! I CAN'T BELIEVE...ALPHYS WILL...I'M GONNA...I'LL BE SO...POPULAR!"

Sans clears his throat, now addressing you. "HUMAN!"

"Chara," you interrupt.

"CHARA! YOU SHALL NOT PASS THIS AREA! I, THE MARVELOUS SANS, WILL STOP YOU! I WILL THEN CAPTURE YOU! YOU WILL BE DELIVERED TO THE CAPITAL! THEN...WELL, I'M NOT SURE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. I KEEP FORGETTING TO ASK ALPHYS, AND PAPS IS NO HELP."

Sans poses heroically, scarf rippling in a non-existent breeze. "CONTINUE...ONLY IF YOU DARE!"

Once again, Sans runs off. "MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

When he's out of sight, Papyrus winks at you. "that went well. don't worry about the whole capturing thing- i'll be keeping an eyesocket out for you."

With that, Papyrus turns and follows the path his brother took, leaving you behind.


	8. Snowdin Road (Dad Jokes Just Aren't Funny)

* **Snowdrake'** s **Dad flutters forth!**

This monster isn't the weirdest looking one you've ever met, but they come pretty close. The best way to describe them is that they kind of look like one of those snowflake paper things that you would make at school for a assignment around Christmas or Valentine's Day. The ones where you fold a piece of paper in half, cut a bunch of shapes, and unfold it to reveal that the cuts are mirrored on the other side.

***ACT**

Okay, you have four options: **Check, Heckle, Laugh,** and **Joke.**

Well, it's hard to heckle someone who hasn't said anything yet, and same goes for laughing at them.

Since you can't think of any good jokes right now, you decide to **Check** him.

***SNOWDRAKE'S DAD 6 ATK 2 DEF**

***This washed-out comedian fights to keep a captive audience.**

"Hey, kid, what do you call a bear with no teeth?"

"Uh..."

"A gummy bear? Get it?"

Yeah, that joke sucked. 

You give him a weak smile.

Then, a bunch of icicles begin dropping down out of nowhere. 

One of them hits your soul, dead-center. 

(You lose several HP.)

Okay, now you're annoyed enough to heckle him.

"Dude, dad jokes are never funny."

Snowdrake's Dad (does he even have an actual name?) frowns. "C'mon, give 'em a chance!"

More attacks begin raining down, but this time you're prepared. You dodge all of them.

"Want to hear a joke about construction?"

"Not really."

"Good, because I'm still _working_ on it."

***Snowdrake's Dad laughs at his own joke.**

Time to fight fire with fire. And by 'fire' you mean, tell a cruddy dad joke in response.

Bracing yourself, you ask, "Why did the picture go to jail?"

Snowdrake's Dad looks thrilled. "I don't know, why did the picture go to jail?"

In a deadpan voice, you respond with, "Because he was framed."

Snowdrake's Dad chuckles. "That one's a classic! I can't believe I forgot about that joke. Thanks, kid!"

His name is now yellow, so you can finally **Spare** him.

Whew.

No more dad jokes.


	9. Snowdin Road (The First Feline Guard)

You come across another sign just before an empty guard station.

***(Absolutely NO MOVING or TALKING!!!)**

Well, since no one's around, you not only keep walking, but you also do your best to whistle a cheerful tune. Instead of whistles, all that comes out of your lips are air and spit bubbles, so you stop trying after a few seconds.

As you pass the station, a gravelly voice stops you in your tracks. "Did something move?"

From behind the counter, a cat monster rises up, their ears twitching in every direction. "I can only see moving things...but my hearing is excellent. If someone is moving and/or talking...and if they happen to be human...I'll make sure it NEVER moves again!

Another **Encounter** begins.

***Kitty blocks the way!**

The first thing you notice about the cat monster is the freakin' nun-chucks they're carrying. The second thing you notice is that they're wearing just a stained tank top and shorts, hardly good clothes for this type of weather. The third thing you notice is the cloudiness of their eyes. Clearly, Kitty can't see anything at all.

***Check**

***KITTY - 6 ATK 1 DEF**

***Though they have sharply tuned senses and predatory instincts, they're also easily distracted.**

***Hobbies include: playing with cat toys and napping.**

A bunch of blue nun-chucks begin to spin closer and closer to your soul.

_"Stay still!"_

You follow the ghost's advice. 

Amazingly, the weapons pass through you without damaging you one bit. 

Huh.

***Kitty can't seem to find you.**

Aside from **Checking** them, you have two options: **Pet** and **Do Nothing**

***Do Nothing**

"I know I heard something..."

More blue nun-chucks are...chucked at you. 

You stand perfectly still, and avoid being injured once more.

Okay, now it's your turn. 

Hmm...

Didn't that **Check** say something about Kitty being easily distracted? 

Maybe you could throw something near them? 

***Items**

Let's see...you have a thermos full of tea, some butterscotch cinnamon pie, a blue ribbon, a wooden puzzle piece, and a stuffed dinosaur. 

***"Puzzle Piece" - ATK 0 DEF 0**

***Just a wooden puzzle piece.**

You toss the puzzle piece near them. 

***In their haste to grab the puzzle piece, Kitty drops a nun-chuck.**

"What's this? And where did my weapon go?"

***Kitty looks confused.**

This time, only half as much blue nun-chucks are thrown.

If you get rid of the last nun-chuck that Kitty's holding, maybe she'll give up?

Maybe? 

***"Stuffed Dinosaur"- ATK 0 DEF 0**

***A soft, cuddly toy.**

***A perfect playmate for kids...and pets!**

You toss the stuffed dinosaur near them.

***In their haste to grab the toy, Kitty drops their second nun-chuck.**

"Is this...a cat toy? " 

***Kitty looks confused.**

"Where did that cat toy come from?! And where's my other nun-chuck? No one's here...but two things appeared!"

Kitty's name has turned yellow.

***Spare**

***YOU WON!**

***You earned 0 XP and 30 gold**

"This cat toy must be cursed..." Kitty whimpers. "I have to get rid of it!" 

Kitty drops the stuffed dinosaur on the snow right beside their station.

"I'm gonna need some catnip in order to deal with this crap."

With that, Kitty retreats back into their station, still muttering under their breath.

Once she's gone, you pick the toy back up. 

(Even though the stuffed animal does nothing but take up space in your **Inventory** , having the toy dinosaur with you makes you feel a bit better.)


	10. Snowdin Road (A Puzzle By Papyrus)

When you reach the next clearing, you see Sans and Papyrus, already in mid-dialogue. 

"BROTHER, YOU'RE SO LAZY!" Sans chides, rocking back and forth on his heels. "NOT ONLY THAT, BUT YOU TAKE FAR TOO MANY LONG NAPS! ESPECIALLY DURING THE NIGHT!"

Papyrus shrugs. "sans, i'm pretty sure that taking naps at night is just...sleeping."

"SAME THING!"

At this point, Papyrus must have noticed you, because he lazily waves in your general direction, before turning to face you.

Sans quickly follows suit. "HUMAN! I MEAN, CHARA! ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR FIRST PUZZLE?"

"Sure, I guess."

"EXCELLENT! FUNNILY ENOUGH, THE FIRST CHALLENGE YOU WILL FACE WAS NOT CREATED BY MYSELF!"

"the rest are my bro's, but i thought up the first one. ready?"

"I guess?"

"okay," Papyrus says, pulling out a small remote control. "lemme just press this...and...done."

Nothing happens.

Sans looks confused, then irritated. "PAPY! I THOUGHT YOU SAID THERE WAS A PUZZLE HERE!"

"hang on, lemme explain," Papyrus says, stooping down and muttering something where Sans' ear would have been if he were human. 

Sans looks dubiously at Papyrus. "SO, YOU'RE SAYING THERE'S AN ELECTRIC MAZE HERE."

Papyrus nods. "yep."

"AND IT'S INVISIBLE."

"exactly," Papyrus replies, giving his brother a lazy thumbs-up.

"...I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING TRICKED."

Papyrus sighs. "i can't believe you have such little faith in your own brother. your very own flesh and blood. i'm devastated."

He doesn't look _or_ sound devastated. 

"PAPS, WE'RE SKELETONS. WE DON'T HAVE FLESH...OR BLOOD."

"...really?"

"REALLY."

"huh. anyway, this is an invisible electric maze." Pulling out a orb from one of his pockets, he continues, "if you run into one of the electric walls, this orb will zap you. it'll be quite a _shocking_ experience."

Sans groans. "UGH, NOT AGAIN!"

"sound like fun?" Papyrus asks you. 

You scowl at him.

Papyrus shrugs. "to be fair, the amount of fun you'll probably have...is actually rather small, i think. whoops."

"BROTHER! PUZZLES ARE MEANT TO BE FUN FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED! STILL...I'M GLAD YOU PUT SOME EFFORT INTO MAKING THIS. I'M PROUD OF YOU, PAPS."

"thanks. oh, i almost forgot." 

Papyrus heads across the patch of snow in a very specific pattern, leaving an obvious track of sneaker prints in the snow. Once he reaches you, he hands you the orb. "here. you'll need this."

He then walks back to Sans.

"alright, you can start." 

Without saying a word, you follow the exact path Papyrus left in the snow. 

"Okay, I solved it. Now what?"

Sans looks vaguely disapproving. "I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID EARLIER," he grumbles. "PAPY, YOU BASICALLY GAVE AWAY THE ANSWER!"

"i did? how so?"

"YOU WALKED OVER- UGH, NEVER MIND." Sans pinches the area right above his nasal ridge in obvious frustration. "WELL, WHETHER OR NOT MY BROTHER HELPED YOU, YOU STILL SOLVED THE PUZZLE...WHICH MEANS THAT YOU CAN MOVE ONTO THE NEXT ONE!"

With that, Sans runs off.

When you look back at Papyrus, you see him gazing at the prints in the snow with a thoughtful stare. "so _that's_ you figured it out."


	11. Snowdin Road (Sans' Battle Body)

"thanks for going along with the whole thing," Papyrus tells you gratefully. "it's nice to see him having this much fun."

You shrug. "No big deal."

"so," Papyrus says, stuffing his hands in his sweatshirt pockets. "you must have noticed my bro's outfit." 

You roll your eyes. "Of _course_ I did. What's your point?"

"what do you think of it?"

You consider the question. 

"It's pretty cool."

And you're not just saying that because you want to suck up to his brother or anything, Sans' outfit _is_ pretty awesome. 

Papyrus' smile grows. "me and him made it for a costume party two weeks ago. he calls it his 'battle body'. hasn't worn anything else since. even showers with it on. man...isn't my bro super cool?" 

"He's a pretty confident guy," you tell Papyrus. 

Papyrus winks at you. "yep. sometimes i wish i had that confidence. anyway, you can go on ahead. i need to take a smoke break."

He then pulls out an unlit cigarette from his pockets. Instead of lighting it up, however, he pops the entire thing in his mouth. 

That's right, he's _eating_ it.

Yeah...you're not going to say anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus doesn't really know how cigarettes are supposed to work.  
> So he eats them.  
> Most monsters think he does it just to be funny.  
> He isn't.
> 
> The idea of Papyrus eating cigarettes isn't my idea, but I can't remember who came up with it. If anyone knows, or if you're said person, comment below or something.


	12. Snowdin Road (Mini Burgers and Fried Snow Poffs)

There's a cat monster leaning against an old food cart with an umbrella, wearing a crisp pink apron over a pale blue shirt and a pair of white slacks. On his shirt is a name tag, but instead of having a name written on it, there's just a doodle of a hamburger.

Weird.

He must have heard you, because he looks up and smiles. 

"Hey there," the cat monster says cheerfully, "the name's Burgie." Gesturing towards his cart, Burgie asks, "Would you like a mini burger? I'm trying out a new recipe, so there's a discount on the burger. Plus, every wrapper has a fortune written on it!"

"How much does it cost?"

"It's normally 15g, but right now I'm selling it for 13g."

A little expensive, but you _are_ pretty hungry.

"Alright."

You hand over the correct amount of gold, and Burgie gives you the mini burger. 

"Have a nice day!"

You don't like eating in front of people, so you head a considerable amount of distance away from Burgie before you unwrap the mini burger. 

Sure enough, there's a fortune written on the wrapper in neat handwriting.

***(Good luck is headed your way.)**

The mini burger tastes pretty good. It's definitely not made out of actual meat, but it _almost_ tastes like it is. 

"Hey, do you think burgers are sandwiches?"

_"No? Yes? Maybe?"_

"...Yeah, you're not help at all."

Since you can't find a trashcan, you stuff the wrapper in your one of your pant pockets.

Standing nearby the Ball Game is Papyrus. He doesn't look like he's doing anything, so you walk over.

"hey."

"Hey."

"i see you just got a 'burg from burgie. you still hungry?"

"I guess so. What, are you selling anything?"

"yep."

You wait a couple seconds for him to elaborate.

"Well?"

"well, what?

"What do you sell?"

"oh, right. fried snow poffs. want one? they're only 5g."

You pull a face. "No."

Papyrus smiles in relief. "good, because i don't have any snow."

...Should you say something?

Nah.

It's not worth it.

"Well, it was nice talking to you, I guess. See you around."

Papyrus gives you a lazy wave. "see ya soon."


	13. Snowdin Road (The Taco Trap)

There are two tables in front of you. One of them is rectangular shaped, with a plate of tacos and a handwritten note next to the food. The other table is circular shaped, with a microwave on top. The microwave isn't plugged into anything, which isn't a surprise, because there's nothing _to_ plug it into. A few feet away from both tables, is yet another one of those weird stars. 

You pick up the note, and read it silently to yourself.

 **DEAR ~~HUMAN!~~** **CHARA!**

**PLEASE ENJOY THIS PLATE OF TACOS. DO NOT WORRY-THESE DO NOT CONTAIN ANY ACTUAL MEAT, SO IF YOU ARE A VEGETARIAN OR VEGAN OR SOME OTHER THIRD THING, YOU WILL NOT BE COMMITTING A CRIME AGAINST YOUR PEOPLE.**

**ALL MY TACOS ARE MADE WITH LOVE AND CARE AND A VARIOUS AMOUNT OF INGREDIENTS.**

**ENJOY!**

**-SANS**

**PS: LITTLE DO YOU KNOW, THIS PLATE OF DELICIOUS TACOS ARE A TRAP...**

**PPS: DESIGNED TO ENTICE YOU!!!**

**PPPS: YOU'LL BE SO BUSY EATING IT...**

**PPPPS: THAT YOU WON'T REALIZE YOU AREN'T PROGRESSING!**

**PPPPPS: AND YOU'LL NEVER FIND OUT, BECAUSE NO ONE _EVER_ READS THE POSTSCRIPTS! **

**PPPPPPS: ...EXCEPT FOR ME, OF COURSE!**

The tacos are frozen to the plate...maybe you can pry one off? It wouldn't be the weirdest thing you've ever eaten. Then again, you'd probably break a tooth trying to take a bite out of one of them. 

Just for the heck of it, you pick up the plate and turn it upside down.

None of the tacos fall off.

...Yeah, that doesn't surprise you at all.

_"Hey, is that a mouse hole?"_

"Huh."

You walk over to the mouse hole, and put your ear against it. 

You hear a tiny _squeak!_

***(Knowing the mouse might one day find a way to heat the tacos...)**

***(It fills you with determination.)**


	14. Snowdin Road (Lesser Cat)

***Lesser Cat appears.**

Great, looks like you have to fight _another_ monster.

Ugh.

What, do you have a sign taped to your back reading, 'HEY, I'M HUMAN, PLEASE ATTACK!', or something?

Lesser Cat (is that really what they're called?) is wearing a cool suit of armor. In one paw, they're holding a large shield with a symbol on the front. In the other paw, they're holding a slingshot. 

***ACT**

Okay, you have four new options.

***Check**

***Pet**

***Ignore**

***Ask for some sage advice**

Uh...okay?

***Check**

***LESSER CAT - ATK 6 DEF 1**

***Their slingshot is like a small cat-apult.**

Their attack is a smaller cat, about the size of your soul, which moves across the area in random directions. 

That wasn't too bad.

***Ask for some sage advice**

Crap, you can't think of anything intellectual to ask!

"Uh...um...well...I say there, Lesser Cat, do you know the times?"

***Lesser Cat twitches their ears, clearly bored with your question.**

This time, a bunch of smaller pellets, kind of like rocks fired from a slingshot, scatter everywhere. .

You barely avoid getting hit. 

***Lesser Cat blinks at you.**

Maybe you should pet them?

***You reach out to pat Lesser Cat on the head.**

***They hiss at you, jumping back a couple feet away.**

The cat attack returns. 

This time, however, the cat bounces around the area, hitting you several times.

Ouch.

Okay, time to ignore them. 

***Now that you're no longer paying attention to them, Lesser Cat seems interested in you.**

***Lesser Cat approaches.**

A rather large rock begins floating around the edges of the screen, but it's far enough that you couldn't get hit by it, even if you wanted to.

Which you don't.

***Ignore**

***Lesser Cat meows, and comes even closer.**

***They seem to be waiting for something.**

Another one of those mini cat attacks, but this one...doesn't do anything.

"Please let this work," you pray under your breath.

***Pet**

***Gingerly, you reach out and scratch behind Lesser Cat's ears.**

***Lesser Cat looks pleased.**

Great! 

Not only did you _not_ get your hand shredded to pieces, but it also looks like you can spare Lesser Cat.

***YOU WON!**

***You earned 0 XP and 20 gold.**

Nice.


	15. Snowdin Road (X's and O's)

There's a row of spikes blocking the path further ahead, but you're certain that the puzzle in front of you will make the spikes disappear. 

Standing behind the spikes, is Sans. 

He looks surprised to see you. "WHAT?! YOU...AVOIDED MY TRAP?"

"Yeah, I read the postscripts."

Sans beams at you. "IMPRESSIVE! I'VE NEVER MET ANYONE ELSE WHO DOES THAT! ANYWAY, DID YOU ENJOY MY TACOS? MORE IMPORTANTLY, DID YOU SAVE ANY FOR ME?"

***(What do you tell Sans about his tacos?)**

***Ate it *Left it**

Well, you don't want to lie, but you also don't want to hurt his feelings. 

"I ate some, but left a couple in case anyone wanted to try one."

(There'd been a giant pile of tacos on the plate, so he _probably_ won't notice that you hadn't eaten any.)

"REALLY?! WOWIE...NO ONE'S EVER ENJOYED MY COOKING BEFORE...WELL, PAPY DOES, BUT HE ALSO EATS CIGARETTE BUTTS, SO..."

You pull a face. "Yeah, I saw him. Why does he even do that?"

Sans shrugs. "WHEN HE STARTED SMOKING, HE WASN'T SURE WHAT TO DO _AFTER_ HE FINISHED THEM. FOR SOME REASON, HE GOT IT INTO HIS SKULL THAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO _EAT_ THEM."

Sans shudders. "I DON'T HAVE THE HEART TO TELL HIM THAT I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS. BESIDES, HE PROBABLY WOULDN'T LISTEN. ANYWAY, GOOD LUCK WITH THE PUZZLE!"

With that, Sans runs off.

Okay, it's time to solve the puzzle.

***Turn every X into an O.**

***Then press the switch.**

The puzzle looks pretty simple- there are only two X's, and the switch is clearly visible. 

And...done.

That was easy.

Turns out, Sans hadn't run that far away; the only reason you hadn't seen him was that he'd been concealed behind a tree. 

"PAPY HAS STARTED TO COLLECT CANDY WRAPPERS. NOT JUST _ANY_ CANDY WRAPPERS, BUT _SPECIAL_ ONES. HONESTLY, I'M NOT SURE HOW HE DECIDES WHETHER A WRAPPER IS SPECIAL OR NOT. THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME TO ME...BUT DON'T TELL HIM I SAID THAT."

"I won't."

Both of you walk over to the next puzzle. 

"UM...I GOT A LITTLE BORED WHILE WAITING, SO I THOUGHT I MIGHT IMPROVE THE PUZZLE...BY MOVING THE SNOW INTO THE SHAPE OF MY FACE. BUT...THEN THE SNOW FROZE TO THE GROUND. NOW THE PUZZLE IS DIFFERENT, WHICH MEANS EVEN I DON'T KNOW THE SOLUTION!" 

Sans lets out a huge sigh. "WELL, I'LL DO MY BEST TO FIGURE IT OUT. IN THE MEANTIME, YOU'RE FREE TO TRY THE PUZZLE, YOURSELF."

"Alright, I'll give it a shot. How hard can it be, anyway?"

**Several frustrating minutes later...**

And...you've boxed yourself in again. Time to reset the puzzle.

"Okay, I need to step over them in a specific order...if only I had an overhead view of this puzzle."

Still, you're not a quitter. 

Time for Round Seven.

**Many failed attempts later...**

"Ugh," you groan, stepping on the switch to reset the puzzle. "Sans, you got any idea how to solve this thing?"

"I THINK SO, BUT...ARE ARE YOU SUPER DUPER SURE YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU THE SOLUTION?"

***(Are you super duper sure you want the answer?)**

***Yes *No**

***Yes**

"Yep."

"WELL!" Sans says in a dramatic voice, "THE! SOLUTION! IS! DUN DUN DUN! THAT TREE OVER THERE! THERE SHOULD BE A SWITCH ON IT."

You head over the tree he's gesturing grandly at. Sure enough, there's a switch on the tree.

You flip the switch, before heading back to the original one on the ground. When you step on that switch, all the blue X's turn into green O's.

"WOWIE!!! YOU SOLVED THE PUZZLE! HIGH FIVE!"

You give Sans a high five. "Well, technically you're the one who solved the puzzle."

"BUT WE WORKED TOGETHER AS A TEAM! YOU MUST LOVE PUZZLES A LOT. YOU GAVE IT YOUR ALL, BUT YOU ALSO WEREN'T AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP! THOSE ARE TWO VERY IMPORTANT QUALITIES TO HAVE IF ONE WISHES TO BECOME A PUZZLE SOLVING MASTER!"

"Thanks, I guess."

"WELL, THE NEXT PUZZLE IS A BIT...UNIQUE. I'M SURE YOU'LL LIKE IT!"

With that, Sans runs off once more.


	16. Snowdin Road (Numbers and Letters)

This time, both Sans and Papyrus are waiting for you. 

"CHARA!" Sans says cheerfully, "ARE YOU HERE FOR YOUR NEXT PUZZLE? YOU DON'T NEED TO ANSWER THAT, BECAUSE THAT QUESTION WAS RHETORICAL!"

You look across the field at him and his brother. "Uh...I don't see anything? Is this like the invisible electricity maze?"

"OF COURSE NOT!" Sans says indignantly. "THE PUZZLE'S ON THE GROUND! SEE?"

When you look in the direction Sans is pointing to, you notice that there's a small book resting on a patch of snow. 

"bro, i'm pretty sure the human can just...walk past that."

Sans shushes his brother. "I PROMISE, THERE'S NO _WAY_ CHARA WILL BE ABLE TO GET PAST THIS ONE!"

You go over and pick up the book.

***SUD** **OKU- FOR KIDS!**

***(...You flip through the book. Every single page has already been solved.)**

You put the book back down. Just for the heck of it, you tell them, "I'm done with this puzzle."

Sans sighs, slumping over slightly. "I GUESS THAT ONE WAS A BIT TOO EASY FOR YOU, HUH. WELL, THAT'S NO SURPRISE. I PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE USED JUNIOR JUMBLE INSTEAD."

Papyrus snorts. "really? junior jumble's for baby bones. it's the easiest kind of puzzle there is."

Sans gasps, looking at his brother with a betrayed expression. "WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! JUNIOR JUMBLE IS EASILY THE MOST DIFFICULT!"

"what you _really_ should have done is given them a crossword puzzle. those ones are tricky."

"UNBELIEVABLE. CHARA, I NEED YOU TO SOLVE THIS DISPUTE!"

***(Which is harder?)**

***Jumble *Crossword**

You consider the question for a moment. Sure, crosswords are probably more difficult...but you're pretty sure Sans will be happier if you choose his side. 

"I guess Jumble is more tricky."

"HA! I KNEW IT!" Sans says with a fist pump. "YOU MUST BE REALLY SMART, CHARA, TO FIND JUNIOR JUMBLE SO DIFFICULT! MWEH HEH HEH!"

With his parting laugh, Sans takes off, leaving you and Papyrus behind. 

Papyrus looks pleased. "thanks for saying 'junior jumble' just to appease my brother. yesterday, he tried to convince me that there was no way to solve a horoscope, so i just pretended to agree. seriously, though, i still haven't figured out the one about pisces."

...You honestly can't tell if he's joking or not.

"by the way," he continues, "thanks for not telling him that the puzzles were completed already. sometimes my bro completes puzzles in his sleep. dunno why, but it's a thing."

...You _really_ can't tell if he's joking or not.

Eh, whatever.


	17. Snowdin Road (Greater Cat and the Gauntlet of Deadly Terror)

***(What a tiny doghouse!)**

***(There's a pink cat bed inside.)**

"Given the guards I've seen before, I'm pretty sure that this doghouse belongs to a cat."

Lucky for you, even if you run into said guard, that doghouse is tiny. How much harm could they do, anyway?

_"meow!"_

A little head pokes out from the snowpoff several feet in front of you. 

Your heart melts.

The snow around the kitten begins shaking, and the kitten starts rising off the ground.

It's wearing a huge suit of armor, and carrying a very extremely pointy spear.

Crap.

Before you can do anything, the **Encounter** begins.

Double crap.

***It's the Greater Cat.**

***ACT**

Okay, you've got a lot of options to choose from. 

***Check *Pet**

***Beckon *Ignore**

***Play**

***Check**

***GREATER CAT 4 ATK 6 DEF**

***Loves to play-fight. Occasionally forgets their own strength when having fun.**

Triple crap.

A spear is thrown towards your soul, changing from blue to white at random intervals.

...

Okay, you've avoided being impaled like a marshmallow on a stick...this time.

Now it's your turn.

Okay, you have to think this through carefully. Playing with them is out, seeing as the description said that they sometimes forget their own strength...   
They're too far away to pet...

***Beckon**

***Greater Cat approaches.**

More of those spear attacks. 

***Pet**

***Greater Cat starts purring softly.**

Even more spear attacks.

***Pet**

***Greater Cat's purrs grow louder.**

Okay, you think you have a plan.

Maybe.

***Pet**

***Greater Cat twines around your ankles.**

You don't manage to stand still in time, and the blue spear nicks you in the arm.

***Pet**

***Greater Cat seems content.**

Awesome, now you can spare them.

***YOU WON!**

***You earned 0 EXP and 40 gold.**

The **Encounter** ends.

_"meow!"_

Greater Cat then jumps out of the suit of armor, purring loudly. They twine around your legs for a while, letting you pet them ever more.

"You're adorable, even if you tried to kill me."

Greater Cat keeps purring.

After a few more pets, Greater Cat jumps back into the armor, and walks away.

Greater Cat had been blocking a really long bridge.

A really _high_ bridge.

"Perfect," you mumble to yourself, "I just _love_ heights."

_"You don't sound like you do..."_

"Sarcasm, kid. Sarcasm. Well, I guess you only live once and all that."

You take your first step out onto the wooden bridge.

Luckily, it doesn't swap underneath your feet.

Small blessings.

"Don't look down..don't look down...don't look down..."

Okay, you're almost there-

"CHARA!"

You swear underneath your breath, because Sans is _blocking_ the very end of the bridge. 

A foot away from Sans is Papyrus, who waves at you with a lazy smile. 

"hey, chara."

"Nice to see you guys, but can I get to solid land, first?"

"YOU CAN, ONCE YOU'VE COMPLETED MY FINAL, AND MOST DANGEROUS, PUZZLE! BEHOLD! THE GAUNTLET OF DEADLY TERROR!"

Pulling out a remote, Sans presses a button. 

Oh god.

A bunch of various dangers lower down above and below the bridge.

A spiky ball on a chain.

A very pointy spear.

A cannon.

Something on fire.

And... a cat dangling on a rope.

"WHEN I PRESS THE SECOND BUTTON, IT WILL FULLY ACTIVATE!!! CANNONS WILL FIRE!!! SPIKES WILL SWING!!! BLADES WILL SLICE!!! EACH PART WILL SWING VIOLENTLY UP AND DOWN!!!"

Trying to buy some time, you ask, "What about the cat?"

"I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW WHY THEY'RE UP THERE, BUT I GUESS THEY LIKE TO HANG AROUND?"

Both Papyrus and you snort.

Sans groans. 

"anyway, you only have a tiny chance at victory," Papyrus adds. "so...good luck."

"ARE YOU READY???"

"Not really."

Sans pauses. "I'LL GIVE YOU A MOMENT, THEN."

"There's no _way_ I'll ever be ready for this deathtrap. You might as well going ahead, seeing as I'm going to die either way."

"...I BELIEVE IN YOU!"

"You really shouldn't. My athletic skills are the worst."

Sans looks conflicted.

"HMM..." 

Looking down at the remote in his hand, Sans quickly says, "OH DEAR, LOOKS LIKE I FORGOT TO INSTALL A SECOND BUTTON. HOW SILLY OF ME. GUESS WE CAN'T GO WITH THE PUZZLE, OH NO." 

"bro, there's a second button right-"

"BESIDES, EVEN IF THERE _WERE_ A SECOND BUTTON, I WOULDN'T PRESS IT! WHY? BECAUSE THIS PUZZLE IS, UM...TOO EASY! I AM A SKELETON OF STANDARDS, AFTER ALL, AND MY PUZZLES ARE VERY FAIR! THIS METHOD HAS NO CLASS AT ALL! AWAY IT GOES!"

Sans presses the same button, and all the dangerous items retreat...somewhere.

"PHEW!"

You just stare at him.

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?! THIS WAS YET ANOTHER VICTORY FOR THE MARVELOUS SANS! MWAH...HA...HA?"

With that, Sans runs off. 

You finally cross the bridge, breathing a sigh of relief when your feet are on solid ground. "That was...something," you tell Papyrus.

He shrugs. "i guess."

"So, what do you think he's going to do now?"

"nyeh? honestly, i have no idea. it might be a good idea for you to keep in mind how blue attacks work."

"Thanks."

"anyway, we're right outside snowdin now. don't worry, no one there will think you're a human."

"Comforting."

"yep."

Papyrus doesn't look like he'll be moving anytime soon, so you leave him behind.

"see ya later."


End file.
